It's the Olympics, You Dope!

It's the Olympics, You Dope!It’s the Olympics, you dope! No matter how you read that statement, it’s true. And sure as rain (or in this case, snow), the PyeongChang 2018 Winter Games has seen its first athlete booted for testing positive for a banned substance. Unfortunately, Japanese speed skater Kei Saito – who was scheduled to participate in the Men’s 5000m Short Track Relay on Wednesday – was sent packing in the Olympics’ annual pointless bid to make the uninformed television viewer think all the other athletes are “clean” because the drug-testing protocol “works.”

Well, folks, it doesn’t, and they’re not. With the possible exception of parlor gamers like Curlers (who are probably drunk as hell and/or jacked to 11 on methamphetamines), every Olympic athlete is filled top to bottom with the best performance enhancing drugs their nations could find and force down their throats/into their veins. If anyone gets popped for juicing, you can bet your life savings that one of two things happened: They either failed to play their Olympic committee’s game and weren’t told a month ahead of time when their “random” test would be, or they’re a political pawn in some grander narrative. A Japanese athlete ejected from South Korea for doping? Could go either way. Or both ways. After that NBC idiot’s gaffe about no love lost between the two countries, this could be some kind of “make-up call.” Or perhaps this Saito guy was such a longshot in such an afterthought of an unpopular event that the IOC and the CAS just figured he’d be a perfectly adequate sacrificial lamb.

Look, thinks the Olympics is great. It’s a high-quality, full-on athletics showcase of the most talented people in the world in their various disciplines. And it’s a completely level playing field, too. However, every athlete out there is on the gas – if they weren’t, ratings would be a hell of a lot worse than they already are. The biggest mistake that the average viewer makes is believing that these athletes – that any top-level athletes – are somehow “natural,” whatever that means. The only people who care about the “integrity of the game” are those who never came close to playing said game at its highest level.

Unfortunately, at the PyeongChang 2018 Winter Olympics, this pointless charade is still in full force, and Kei Saito, whoever he is, had to be the one laid bare for all the world to see. With blinders on.

Which is, after all, the whole point.